o mexico

2006-01-15T23:22:00.000-05:00

The roomies- Kate, Sandy, and Lynne.

2006-01-15T23:17:00.000-05:00

Our translator, Moses, with Dr. Clarke, at our poolside classroom.

2006-01-15T23:14:00.000-05:00

Nick, Ryan, and Kate at the Senote (sink hole) at Chitchen Itza.

2006-01-15T23:12:00.000-05:00

The roomies- Tom, Ryan, and Nick.

2006-01-15T23:06:00.000-05:00

The group at Chitchen Itza.

2006-01-15T22:58:00.000-05:00

Nick with the clown at the main plaza.

2006-01-15T22:53:00.000-05:00

Our lecture room- outside by the pool. Tough life. We are going to start a campaign to build a pool on the quad!

2006-01-15T22:47:00.000-05:00

Claire, Kate, Scott, Ryan, Tom, Morgan, and Nick on the top of the Temple at Uxmal.

Busy Days

2006-01-15T14:53:00.000-05:00

Our last few days have been full of activity. It is hard to believe the we have already been here for so long and that our time is drawing to an end. Yesterday we went to Chitchen Itza. It was a long day. Chitchen Itza is much more commercial that Uxmal with vendors all over trying to sell their goods. I think we were all a little disappointed by that. Also, our guide was not very good and we couldn´t climb the temple, but we still had a good time. This morning we went to First Presbyterian Church and the worship service was closer to a service that we are used to at home. This evening we are visiting a Pentecostal congregation. It should be an interesting experience.

2006-01-15T14:51:00.000-05:00

The main temple at Chitchen Itza. Unfortunatly, they stopped leting people climb it two weeks ago.

2006-01-15T14:50:00.000-05:00

Cathy and I at Chitchen Itza.

2006-01-15T14:48:00.000-05:00

A cemetary that we visited. It was very colorful!

2006-01-15T14:46:00.000-05:00

They finally filled up the outside pool. We celebrated with some cerzeva! Here are Scott, Ryan, and Tom having fun in the semi- full pool!

2006-01-15T14:43:00.000-05:00

Nick with a pig´s head at the market.

2006-01-15T14:40:00.000-05:00

Gabriel and Genni and their children Shelia, Vhristian, and Edwardo. This is the fmily whose home I went to for dinner. We had a wonderful visit and conversation, even if it was entirerly in Spanish!

2006-01-15T14:39:00.000-05:00

the kids at Mana House playing.

2006-01-15T14:38:00.000-05:00

Lynne and Kate at the internet cafe.

families

2006-01-11T15:16:00.000-05:00

since we have been here, we have all been enchanted by the families and the life in the square around merida. it is so neat to see the families out together in the square and spending time together. however, in our lecture today we learned about the dark side of Mexican family life. we learned about domestic violence, incest, and the common practice of having a mistresses and family on the side. it was hard to hear about all of these problems and how the church doesn´t address any of these issues. this afternoon, we are going to the children´s home. i think it will be a fun experience and a sad one at the same time.

2006-01-10T22:40:00.000-05:00

Tom and Claire at dinner. Tom is eating pollo pibil wrapped in banana leaves. It is a local favorite.

2006-01-10T22:38:00.000-05:00

The parade through the square last night.

2006-01-10T22:32:00.000-05:00

The Governer´s Palace.

2006-01-10T22:29:00.000-05:00

The group at the Governer´s Palace looking at the murals.

Salem Church

2006-01-08T16:31:00.000-05:00

Today we worshiped in Alejandro´s church. It was quite an experience. We stood and sang for the first hour and the entire service was about 2 and a half hours long. Then we ate lunch with the congregation and had cake to celebrate the church´s 9th birthday. Later this afternoon, we are going to the market to see all of the handicrafts. Everyone is doing well. Hopefully I can get several different people to post here soon.

2006-01-08T16:29:00.000-05:00

Lynne, Cathy, and Claire at the street party. Ask Cathy how she got her flowers sometime...

2006-01-08T16:28:00.000-05:00

Dick and Nick dancing in the streets!

2006-01-08T16:22:00.000-05:00

Our group hanging out in the empty pool waiting our drinks so that with could toast to the arrival of Erskine´s grandson Lucas!

Contratictions

2006-01-07T21:53:00.000-05:00

I find it somewhat strange that we can blog and video comferance with friends and family back home in a land that used no pack animals or metal to build the most fascinating monuments only twelve hundred years ago. This truly is a place that holds on the the past with one hand while grasping the future with the other. This should make for interesting cultural clashes to learn about while we are here.
Today we topped the hill at Uxmal to see the first pyramid and I was speechless (yes me!) I have never seen anything like this, and the monuments went on for as far as the eye could see. The guide told us that only 25% has been recovered so far. We will have to come back in a few years to see the rest of the site.
Tom

2006-01-07T21:50:00.000-05:00

Nick, Cathy, and Lynne in the town Muna.

2006-01-07T21:49:00.000-05:00

Ryan, Cathy, and Nick at the Bull Fighters bar.

2006-01-07T21:48:00.000-05:00

Morgan and Tom at the pizza restaurant.

2006-01-07T21:46:00.000-05:00

Sitting outside the Anthropology Museum.

2006-01-07T21:45:00.000-05:00

Cathy and Nick in the "you and me" chair in the main square.

2006-01-07T21:44:00.000-05:00

Nativity scene in the Catholic Church in Muna on the way to Uxmal.

2006-01-07T21:42:00.000-05:00

Magicians Temple in Uxmal

2006-01-07T21:38:00.000-05:00

anthropology museum

uxmal

2006-01-07T21:15:00.000-05:00

today we went to the mayan ruins at uxmal. it was beautiful and amazing. it is really hard to find the words to describe. the mayan people built thess wonderful buildings without the help of metal tools or animals. pretty cool. we climbed to the top of the great tower and were able to see for miles around. it was awe inspiring. on the way we also stopped in a little village and got to go into the catholic cathedral and to the market. it was neat to see all of the people with their goods displayed in the market. we are all having a really good time, but missing our families and wishing that they could share the experience with us. hurko will be joining us tonight, so we are excited about her arrival and erskine has a new grandson, so things are going well with us. i am going to try and figure out how to post some pictures now.

mayan history

2006-01-06T14:25:00.000-05:00

we had our first lecture this morning and are about to head out to the museum of anthropolopgy. the mayan culture is very interesting to learn about and i am looking foward to our trip to uxmal tomorrow. we have the night off and have found an internet cafe with web cams and headphones, so i think a group of us will head there later and hopefully post some pictures and talk via im. gotta run catch the bus...

we're here

2006-01-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

it was a long day of traveling and running miles through the mexico city airport, multiple security checks and lost luggage (i'll let tom post about that), but at 1 am we finally made it to the hotel. then we had a day of site seeing yesterday. merida is beautiful and a lot different then i expected. last night we went to an open air restaurant and walked around the square. nick had fun with a clown and tom got pooped on by a piegon. good times. off to a leture about mayan history and then to the muesum.

Alternative Context

2006-01-03T23:05:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow I am leaving for Merida, Mexico in the Yucatan for Alternative Context. I am really looking foward to our trip and I am hoping to be able to update this blog occasionally while I am there. For now, here is a link to the hotel where we are staying http://www.gobernadormerida.com.mx/.

most embarrassing moments...

2005-08-03T23:46:00.000-04:00

so, i know that we all have stories of our most embarrassing moments. they make for good conversation later in life when the scars have healed and you can laugh at your own stupidity.

like my own lovely hippopotamus story. it is a great one. if you don't know, ask me sometime because it really needs to be told, not read.

so today, i was leading worship for the riverside house and apartments, which are retirement/assisted living homes that the church began and are now run through a presbyterian foundation. i have lead chapel there one other time this summer.

i got up bright and early, fixed myself some eggs, and met michelle (my supervising minister) at the church at 8:30. since it was the first wednesday of the month, communion is served, so michelle was going with me since i can't serve communion yet.

so we got to the house and had a lovely service. i even got to say the invitation to communion. sure, some of the people in wheelchairs snored during the service, but all in all i think it went fine.

then we walked over to the apartments to do the service there. now this is a livelier crowd and several of them come to the church, so it was good to chat with them before the service. about half way through the service, i was reading a story and i began to feel really funny. i broke out in a sweat and i felt really lightheaded. i kept thinking to myself as i plowed ahead through the story, i feel like i am going to faint, that is weird. so, i shuffled my feet and made sure that my knees were bent and kept reading. it was suddenly really hot and i was really dizzy, but i only had two more pages of the story and then there was a prayer, so i thought surely i could finish and then i could sit down while everyone had their eyes closed to pray.

on the next to last page of the story, the words began to blur and i good tell that i was started to slur them together. i looked to michelle, who was on the first row, and sent her a telepathic message, "help! i am about to pass out!"

she stood up and grabbed my arm and tried to direct me to a chair- i think- it is all kinda blurry. then, i remember falling on my butt and being helped off of the floor into the chair and being given a glass of juice and a fig newton. michelle finished the service while i set on the front row and tried to stop shaking.

i felt like such a dumbass. the chaplain at the home told me that people fainted there all the time and it was nothing to worry about, but still, passing out while doing chapel, that's a good one.

and to top it all off, now everyone thinks i am pregnant. i'm not- just to set the record straight. but it was fun to discuss with two old woman at the church this afternoon the state of my uterus. oh well. i guess it does make for a fun story.

on a brighter note, i am flying home tomorrow and than robert and i are off for my cousin's wedding in kentucky. then i am here for my last week. them robert and i are spending some quality time together at the beach and then, at long last, i am back in decatur!!!! hallelujah!

writer's block

2005-08-01T21:09:00.000-04:00

so, i need to be writing a sermon. i have been looking at the text and pondering it for over a month. that is probably part of the problem. i have been thinking about it too long. well, i am preaching on the 14, but i am leaving town on thursday for my cousins wedding and then a meeting, so basically, i need to write the sermon before i leave.

so, today my goal was to write. i had blocked my whole day off for writing. i came in this morning and pulled out all of my notes. i looked over everything. and i waited for inspiration to hit. for a brilliant idea to strike about how i could approach this text and what i needed to say about it.

and i got nothing. i just stare at my notes and the text and think about it and obsess over it, but the page is still blank. the sermon is not writing itself. and the time is ticking by and the other things that i need to do are creeping up.

i tried to read and do other things for awhile, hoping that when i came back to it that i would have better luck, but no chance. ahhhhhhh. maybe i should just start over completely. maybe i have thought about this text for too long. who knows, but i need some inspiration soon!

where to begin?

2005-07-27T23:23:00.000-04:00

so, i haven't posted in a while. i have been home for a few days and then at the middle school conference. so many things have happened that it just sort of seems to overwhelming to begin blogging again.

do i bore you to tears with a recap of the past few weeks? do i just forget about it all and start from today? do i even have anything worthy to blog about? probably not, but my husband needs a distraction at work, so i guess i will blog...

tonight i lead a workshop at the church on the spirituality of children. people actually came (i don't seem to have the best track record this summer of people showing up to events) and we had some really good conversations.

it is tricky to lead a workshop about children to me, since my child is a really slobbery, tail wagging doggy. i have taken a class on this subject and read lots of books, but i am not in the trenches. i don't know what it is like to have kids day in and day out that ask the hard questions about god or want to know what happened to all of the other people in the story of noah.

all in all though i think that it went really well. we talked about how young kids easily know who mickey mouse is or sponge bob, etc, but might not be able to talk about moses or noah or david or paul. we talked about how it is important for children to be surrounded by objects and symbols of the faith so that they can grow up having a vocabulary of faith. we talked about how worship is important for children so that they feel at home in worship and so that it doesn't seem foreign to them when they are older.

and as we talked, i thought about how children are sometimes the greatest theologians. they are somehow so much more intune with God then we are because they haven't yet been jaded by life. they will remind us that we haven't yet blessed the food when we are out to eat in a restaurant, and they might even remind the table next to them as well. they will run down the aisle to get communion because they are so excited. they will clap and sing and twirl and praise God when we are to embarrassed to do the same.

this past week i was at the middle school conference. every year the same debate comes up after the first worship service. the kids are so excited about worship and sometimes excited to see their friends helping in worship, that they clap after everything. and i mean everything even the call to confession!! so, inevitably, after the first worship service, there are rumblings from the adults about the clapping and how worship should be reverent, blah, blah, blah, and the planning team has to have a discussion about it.

now, i do agree that there are times when worship should be reverent and that the focus of worship is God and not our best friend that is reading scripture, but there is a part of me that is renewed by the enthusiasm that these kids have for worship and i don't want to quell it. how often at your church at home are people waiting outside for the doors to open so that they can be sure to get a good seat for worship? how often are people dancing and clapping and singing their praise to God joyfully? how often to people respond to the sermon with "amen" and cheers?

it just seems to be that we should all want to be like these middle school youth. excited, even if to a fault, to be praising god.

"At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, ‘Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?’ He called a child, whom he put among them, and said, ‘Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Whoever becomes humble like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. Whoever welcomes one such child in my name welcomes me." matthew 18:1-5

tricky text

2005-07-11T14:32:00.000-04:00

i am preaching on august 14 and once again, the lectionary text is quite a doozy! i know that some of you preached on this for class. any thoughts, insights, ideas, etc?

matthew 15:21-28
Jesus left that place and went away to the district of Tyre and Sidon. Just then a Canaanite woman from that region came out and started shouting, "Have mercy on me, Lord, Son of David; my daughter is tormented by a demon." But he did not answer her at all. And his disciples came and urged him, saying, "Send her away, for she keeps shouting after us." He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." But she came and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, help me." He answered, "It is not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs." She said, "Yes, Lord, yet even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table." Then Jesus answered her, "Woman, great is your faith! Let it be done for you as you wish." And her daughter was healed instantly.

the context is a congregation of 1,200 members- mostly white and upper class. the church is pretty diverse politically and theologically. the congregation is located in an urban setting and does a good bit of ministry and outreach in the community.

i am just trying to wrap my head around how to approach this and any comments would be great!

home sweet home

2005-07-06T17:28:00.000-04:00

well, i went home this weekend. i decided late saturday night that the drive was worth it and that the short weekend home would help to revive my spirits for the rest of the summer. i headed home as soon as church was over on sunday and made it to decatur around 5:30. it was a long drive, but luckily the torrential downpours only lasted for the first 45 minutes.

being home was great. i got to spend quality time with robert, play with miller, and sleep in my own bed! i even got to hang out with the gang at tom and ashley's for the 4th.

coming back to jacksonville was hard. it was a long drive and i was tired. i had to stop and get a book on tape to help entertain myself. it was a quick trip and a lot of driving, but it was definitely worth it! i needed that time with robert.

so, now i am back. i am not totally gung-ho, but my spirit has been lifted. i can look at the calendar and what is going on for the rest of the summer and be excited instead of filled with dread that i am here for so much longer. with all of the trips i have coming up, my actually time in jacksonville isn't that much.

it has been a great learning experience so far this summer and i am sure that it will continue to be. the one thing that i have learned for sure is- i never want a job that keeps me away from home again! absence may make the heart grow fonder, but i think my heart is fond enough! i don't want any more absence!

homesick

2005-06-29T13:52:00.000-04:00

i am crazy homesick!! it has been a long week. i think all of the newness has worn off and the trips are over and here i am- and i want to be home! besides the big things- like my husband, and my dog, and my house- i miss all of the little things- like having normal glasses and dishes in the cabinets, and being able to sit on the couch, and sleeping in my bed!!

so, it has been a long week. i haven't wanted to be here and the motivation level is way down. everyone seems to have fun plans for the 4th and i will just be here, chillin in the old lady apartment. :( i even considered going home after church on Sunday and being back in time for a meeting tuesday morning, but that is too short of a time to make the drive and plane tickets are $300.

i really hope that my lack of motivation of working this week is just the homesickness, because i felt this same lack of drive at my last job before i came to seminary. i really hope that i will snap out of this funk and be able to enjoy the rest of my time this summer. this really is a great church and i have a lot to learn, but this week, all i want to do is go home, cook dinner in my kitchen and curl up on the couch with my doggie and my husband!!

the motivation factor is also way down for writing this paper that we have due tomorrow!!!

thank heaven for the wb

2005-06-28T21:39:00.000-04:00

so, since i don't have cable, i have been doing a lot of reading since i have been in jacksonville. i think the lack of tv watching and increased book reading has been good, but since i have read the dive from clausen's pier, the life of pi, and black and blue this week, i needed a night of mindless tv watching.

so, i ran out in the rain and picked up take out from moe's and settled into the rocking chair in the old lady apartment and turned on the tv. now, keep in mind that it is an old tv with no remote and bunny ears on top wrapped in aluminum foil, so, i turn on the tv and a commercial is on for the upcoming shows- i want to be a hilton and average joe. just what i needed! a night of silly, mindless, hilarious reality tv. so, i sat back and started eating. then the tv commercial was interrupted to broadcast the president's address to the nation. ahhhhhhh! all i wanted was to watch a little tv, not an address from the president!

so, knowing that the bunny ears only picked up a few channels, i felt that my night of mindless tv watching was hopeless. but then, the static stopped and a real channel came into view, and there was no address from the president, but instead... the gilmore girls!!! ah, sweet mindless tv!

family

2005-06-24T16:35:00.000-04:00

this week has been pretty crazy. last friday, robert came into town with his parents and brother. we toured around jacksonville- robert's dad lived here when he was little and his grandfather was the minister at st. john's presbyterian here. so, we did all the family touring stuff- we saw the church, the old house, the school, the "moo cow"- where they got ice cream on sunday afternoons. an interesting time, especially since robert's parents and robert and kevin had already been in the car together all day long and it was hot outside!! but alas, we managed to tour with only minimal arguing. Then the rest of the fam went off to the hotel for complimentary cocktails and robert and i went to the college bible study and the new memebers dinner. a great way to spend a friday night, especially when you haven't seen your husband in a month!

saturday was better- we got to play at the beach. of course, there was still the ususal family stuff, fighting over where to eat and when to leave, etc. but it was fun. then the fun doubled with the arrival of my mom and her parents into town. robert and i went to meet them at the hotel, and then all of robert's family plus mine and my cousin and his finace who live here all went out to dinner. now that was an adventure. but, it was also a good time.

the reason that they were all in town was that i preached for the first time last sunday. it was great to have all of their support, but i have to say, it definatly added to the pressure. but the sermon went ok, despite the fact that the air conditioner at the church had broken and it was crazy hot! and despite the fact that the people at the revised common lectionary thought that it would be a good idea to have genesis 21 and matthew 10 as the texts for father's day. in case you don't have those parts of the bible memorized, the genesis text is about abraham casting out ishmael and hagar and the matthew text says "For I have come to set a man against his father, and a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and one's foes will be members of one's own household. Whoever loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever loves son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; and whoever does not take up the cross and follow me is not worthy of me." fun times!

anyway, we repeated the whole family meal thing on sunday afternoon and then my family all left. so, robert and i had the rest of sunday and all of monday to play at the beach. we had a great time and it was hard to have him leave monday night. but i got to go back to the beach and hang out with robert's parents yesterday. i finally have a little bit of sun and i am no longer the lilly white intern. now, i feel like i am in florida for the summer.

life at the church is moving along. i thought i had a pretty easy week after montreat and vbs back to back and preaching, but this week has been pretty full. i went with the minister of visitation to meet with a family to help plan the funeral of a church member and i will be assisting with that on saturday. i just got back form my weekly visit to the nursing home. it is slowly getting easier, but i am not sure that it will ever be something that is easy for me to do. i do know one thing- i have learned to peek into the rooms really slowly because no one shuts their doors when they are going to the bathroom. after walking in on people indisposed, i have learned that trick!

so, i don't have anything real exciting to post, but i have enjoyed catching glimpses into some of y'alls lives this summer, so i thought i should update what has been going on here.

balance

2005-06-14T09:58:00.000-04:00

since i have been in jacksonville for my sm210 i have been thinking a lot about balance. i am here in a place where i don't know anyone, away from my husband and friends, living in an old lady apartment and working.

the only people that i know in town are church members, which seems to be both good and bad. i have gotten to know several of the college students and recent college grads really well from being in montreat with them. they have really welcomed me in and have invited me to eat dinner with them, go to the movies and baseball games, etc.

so, here is my question- how do i find a healthy balance between work life and personal life?

on the one hand, i am bored and lonely, so hanging out with people is desperately needed, but on the other hand, these are the people that i am supposed to be ministering to and with. so, does it compromise my identity as a pastor to also have an identity as a friend.

ryan has also been blogging about this. i love how he says:

One of the wonderful benefits of being in seminary is that you and your colleagues are basically all in the same boat. You're all poor (at least by the standards of western culture), you're all trying to do something with your lives, and you all have similar core values. My sincere hope and prayer is that after I leave seminary, I can develop friendships where my job title doesn't impact how I am viewed as a man and as a friend.

so, how does one balance being a real person and being a pastor. where does the line get drawn? is it ok to "hang out" with members of your congregation in social settings or is that totally out of bounds? if it is totally out of bounds, where are ministers supposed to find a community of support? without that community, how can we be effective ministers?

how do we find the balance?

called by name

2005-06-13T11:14:00.000-04:00

i just got home from a week in montreat, which is one of my favorite places in the world. i was there with 35 youth from rpc and about 1200 other youth for week 1 of the 2005 youth conferences, "called by name." i had a great time in montreat and i have been wanted to blog about it all week, but now that i am home and exhausted and away from montreat, the words just don't seem to come. i feel like i have too many different thoughts swimming around in my head to make a coherent thought.

the theme this year was "called by name" and we spend a lot of time talking about call and vocation. during keynote on friday, scott phillips showed a clip from the lord of the rings where frodo says, "i wish that i had never been given this ring" and the response is, "all you have to decide is what to do with the talent that has been given to you."

i think that we are often very reluctant to use the gifts that God has given to us. instead, we pretend that we don't have certain gifts or we just ignore them. for some reason, we have all been given specific gifts and it is our responsibility to use them to help the world become a better place.

we live in the tension "between who you are and who you could be" (switchfoot, dare you to move) and we are afraid to take the dare to become the person that God has called us to be. we often believe that we cannot change the world or make a difference, so we become complacent and stuck in a routine.

so the challenge that we were left with as we left montreat, was to take the dare. to live out our identity as a child of God, because if we don't, we will regret it later on.

2005-06-13T11:00:00.000-04:00

The lake is finally full again and water is flowing over the spillway!

self conscious

2005-06-02T23:20:00.000-04:00

why is it that i am so aware of how other people might perceive me?

today i went for a walk along the river. there is a really nice path that runs along the river behind the YMCA. since it was my day off, i was able to enjoy a nice long stroll.

as i was walking, enjoying being outside by the river and taking in all of the sights, i came across a wooden bridge on the path. something about this bridge, lined with benches, made me feel like a kid. all i wanted to do was twirl and skip and do cartwheels across the bridge. but instead, i just kept walking, afraid of what the complete strangers who were also out walking might think.

why did i care? what did it matter if i skipped across the bridge? i am sure that it wouldn't have hurt anything, but i was too self conscious to do it. too afraid of what the other walkers and business people outside on their lunch break might think.

as i continued to walk, i came to another bridge. this time, i had to climb up a ramp and then go over a bridge that crosses over the railroad bridge underneath. to come down the other side, i had to walk down a circular ramp. as i came around the curve on each level, i could hear faint singing. at first, i though that there were speakers along the path, but then i realized that there was a lady walking in front of me, out of my sight because of the ramp, who was singing.

as i got closer, the song became louder, until i could finally hear the words. she was singing a hymn to God that talked about being in God's presence and being unable to do anything but praise God forever.

now this woman looked completely normal. she was dressed like she was on her way to meet someone for lunch or maybe do some shopping. by this point, it was almost lunch time and we were close to several restaurants and office buildings. the walkway was pretty crowded, many more people then when i was contemplating twirling around.

yet, she still sang. she belted out her song of praise to God and didn't seem to be self conscious at all. she didn't even have the best voice in the world, yet she was praising God and giving thanks.

why aren't more of us able to do that? why is it that we are so caught up in feeling like we have to behave by certain standards. i couldn't even muster up the courage to skip over a bridge, much less proclaim my praise and thanks to God out loud, outside, on the river walk for everyone to hear.

after i turned around to head back towards my car, i passed the woman again. she was still singing. as i passed, she looked over and smiled at me. as she did, i blurted out "thanks for singing." i think what i really meant was, "thanks for having the courage and conviction to praise God that i don't have. thank you for showing me how its done."

maybe next time i go for a walk, i can cartwheel across the bridge. maybe even one of these days, i can sing my praises to God, in my can't carry a tune in a bucket voice, for everyone to hear.

old age

2005-06-01T21:50:00.000-04:00

old age can be both wonderful and horrible at the same time. i suppose that i am very fortunate not to have spend a lot of time in nursing homes in my life, but that is now changing as part of my internship is to visit the church members in the nursing home.

my first week here, i went with the minister of visitation to meet the people in the nursing home and learn the ropes. so today, i was released into the visiting world on my own. it was quite an experience.

i was extremely nervous about going by myself. what would i say to these people i didn't know, many of whom could barley hear. i decided to start easy, so i began with the woman that i thought would be the easiest to visit with and she was a true delight. she told me all sorts of stories about her life which has been very interesting. she grew up in jacksonville and after high school she moved to washington, dc for "finishing school." while there, eleanor roosevelt was the first lady and would have the girls from her school over to the white house for tea! how amazing.

then i went on to visit the other residents, and the trip grew much harder. one woman was basically in a coma. i have heard that these patients can often hear and that the best thing to do is to talk out loud to them. well, there was another woman in the room on the other side of the curtain and i felt hopelessly uncomfortable talking out loud. so, i just stood there very uncomfortably and prayed silently really quickly and awkwardly left.

most of the other residents fall in the middle of these two. they are awake and alert, but can't see very well or hear very well. conversations are just strained and uncomfortable. i am not sure if this will get any easier the more i do it. i hope that it will, because it will be something that will be a valuable part of my ministry throughout the years.

why is it that growing old can be so hard? on the one hand, you have all of these great life experiences and stories to share, but your body fails to let you share those stories with others. many of the people that i visited with are ready to die. they have lived good lives and they are ready to die. i suppose that it should be a good thing that they are unafraid of dying and are looking forward to being with God for eternity, but it is also hard to hear that they are so lonely and in such pain that all they want to do is die.

i hope that these visits continue to teach me more about life, death, and being comfortable with the in-between.

walking in the rain

2005-05-31T21:28:00.000-04:00

tonight when i got home i decided to go for a walk. the humidity level was down enough to actually be able to breath and walk at the same time. as soon as i got a couple of blocks from the house it started to rain. needing the exercise and enjoying the twilight breeze, i continued on through the rain.

i walked down to the river which is not far from the apartment. i really wanted to go out and get a better look, but i wasn't real sure about property lines and if i was trespassing, etc. i continued on, deciding that the small space between the huge house with gates at the end of each street was left there so that those of us without a river view could walk down and enjoy it.

as i walked down to the river and stood on the sea wall (is it called a sea wall if it is technically a river?) i was overcome by the beauty of the ending day. off to the left i could see the city skyline with all of the buildings lit up. the bridge also was full of lights. i could see docks and boats all along the river and i could feel the breeze.

i am not sure what it is, but i am somehow drawn to water. whenever i am around it, i feel at peace. it's like i just know deep within myself that i am meant to live near water. something about it just brings an unexplainable calm to my soul.

as i stood on the "sea wall" tonight and looked out at the river and the city in the twilight, i knew that i was at home. i was exactly where God wants me to be for this summer. standing by the river, feeling the breeze was like feeling God's breath come over me. peaceful, calm, reassuring.

thanks be to God for water and moments of prayer!

beginnings

2005-05-31T20:01:00.000-04:00

well, for a few months now i have been reading blogs from classmates and friends. these blogs have been inspiring and interesting. so now i am finally starting one of my own. i am not sure that it will prove to be inspiring or interesting, but none the less, here it is. so, i just moved to jacksonville, florida to start my sm210 internship at riverside presbyterian church. the church is putting me up in a great apartment for the summer. the owner of the apartment is in the mountains for the summer. the apartment is a block from the river and also a block from all of these cool restaurants and shops. it is in an old neighborhood with spanish moss in the big old trees. it really is great- expect for a few minor details like the lack of air conditioning in florida! there are 2 window units and ceiling fans. there is also no cable- i guess it might do me some good to take a sabbatical from tv watching for the summer. there is also furniture circa 1920 everywhere! you can hardly walk or set anything down for all of the chairs and figurines, etc that are throughout the apartment! it is really almost comical, but it is a place to stay for the summer and i am grateful for it. robert came down with me when i moved in and we were able to explore some. jacksonville is a beautiful place. right on the river and close to the beach- i love it! of course, it is much nicer to hang out at the beach and the pool in this heat then actually work and run errands! oh well. while robert was here, we were able to celebrate my birthday- 27. it is hard to imagine that i am 27. it seems old and yet i don't even feel like i am an adult. it seems like i was just in college- i can't believe i graduated 5 years ago! so, i wonder, when does one feel like an adult? graduation form college didn't seem to do it. neither did having a job and an apartment of my own. getting married also didn't do it. or owning a home. or even having a dog. so, what does make one an adult? is it a mindset? does it come at a particular age? does it happen when you have children? who knows. i guess i just think of 27 as being an adult, yet here i am at 27 and i still don't really feel like i am an adult. is that a good thing? maybe at times, maybe not. oh well. well, it seems like i am rambling now. i guess that is what this blog is for- ramblings about my life. peace.

2005-05-31T17:24:00.000-04:00

robert and i at rpc in jacksonville